I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
