Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
