So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
