I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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