The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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