so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
