Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
