I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
