Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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