Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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