yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
