I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
