my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
