You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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