She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
