Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
