im drinking this country out of the recession.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
