I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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