u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
