Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
