I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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