I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
