Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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