I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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