I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
