What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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