I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
