Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
