What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
