Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
