new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
