Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
