They should really pass out barf bags in church
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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