So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
