im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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