I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
