She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
