I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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