so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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