My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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