Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
