I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
