I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
