3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
