I bet he comes in French.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
