discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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