smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
