i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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