Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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