At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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