Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
