We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
